Marriage: It’s Not What You May Think

Joshua Agan E, General, Pastors 2 Comments

What if marriage is not all about love, companionship, and sex, but was designed as something more glorious? Marriage is often portrayed as less than it truly is. Like the three blind men striving to describe an elephant by touch—one describing it by the legs, another by its trunk, and the third by its tail—we also often describe marriage by its parts, not as the whole. The Scriptures teach that love, companionship, and procreation are only parts of a good marriage, not the whole. This Biblical truth is often overlooked and, as a result, has created great confusion about marriage.

It’s Not What You May Think

1. Marriage Is Not for Children

Many people accurately point out that having children is not the purpose of marriage, although children may be a wonderful result. Even when young couples are told they may never have children, they often still choose to marry.

Marriage is unnecessary for procreation; any male and female have the potential to produce children without marriage. God did not create marriage for the purpose of producing children. In fact, God’s purpose is much bigger than this.

2. Marriage Is Not for Love

God did not design marriage so two people could love each other. Love is the most popular idea for the purpose of marriage, but this assertion comes at a high moral price. All the way up to the Supreme Court of the United States of America, this idea prevails. Justice Anthony Kennedy explained his view of the purpose of marriage in the final paragraph of his opinion (page 28):

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family…marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death… Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions….

While love is a vital component of a good marriage, it is not the purpose. If love is all that matters, why deny any person the opportunity to marry anyone (or anything) they love? Logically speaking, if marriage is simply for love, then we can place no legal restriction to age, gender, quantity, or species. Go marry that teen. Marry both of those women. Marry that dog.
#LoveWins, right?

Our culture rightly views those ideas as wrong or sick right now: who can fathom a man marrying a child, a man with ten wives, or a woman marrying her dog? But set aside your disgust and anger long enough to explain what can logically hinder these ideas if love is truly all that matters? One must simply adjust our society’s tolerance and they soon become acceptable: just like same sex marriage.

You should love the one you marry; but love is not God’s purpose for marriage.

3. Marriage Is Not for Companionship

Although marriage often offers companionship for the lonely soul, marriage is not the cure for loneliness. Simply Google “loneliness in marriage” to find how widespread loneliness is even for married couples. Companionship is a probable byproduct of marriage, but not its purpose.

Think about it: In the past, Adam communed with God Almighty in the garden. Is a mortal woman a greater companion than God Himself? In the future, mankind will neither marry nor be given in marriage (Matthew 22:30). Does man suddenly lose his need for companionship? Or will Jesus’ physical presence among us satisfy that need more fully than a spouse?

If I claim that the purpose of marriage is not for companionship, what are we to make of Genesis 2:18 which says, “it is not good that the man should be alone?” First, notice that God recognized the need, not Adam. We often create this false story in which Adam sees each animal with a mate, cannot find a mate for himself, and then feels lonely. But where is that found in Scripture? We must also recognize the great difference between being alone and feeling lonely; they are not the same thing. Second, notice that God identified Adam’s need as a lack of help, not loneliness. God responded to Adam’s need and called His answer “a help [which is] meet for him.” Third, notice that it says “the man.” It is not speaking of mankind in general, but of Adam specifically. Not all men are designed to get married; God has a purpose for some to remain faithfully unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:32-33). Here, God gave Adam a task and recognized his need for help. His response to Adam’s need was to create a help for “the man,” and she was meet (sufficient) for him. Companionship and procreation were results of their union, not its divine purpose.

But have you ever stopped to consider: why the marriage? If help was his need, why not just be friends or simple coworkers in the garden? Why must God institute this thing called marriage?

THE ONE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE

The word ‘purpose’ meansThat which is set [before] as an object to be accomplished; intention… with an end in view.” So what is to be accomplished by marriage? What was the end in view?

I can produce children without marriage. I can offer companionship without marriage. I can love someone without marriage. These all are important fruits of a good marriage, but they are not individually the purpose of marriage. So what is God’s purpose? Only one time does God give the answer. In Ephesians 5:31 we read “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

For what cause? What is accomplished through a man getting married?

He tells in the verses before it:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:25,30-31)

Marriage has one divine purpose, and one purpose only: to picture Christ and the church. And just in case anyone tried to deny this, Paul reiterates it in the next verse: “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” Children, companionship, and love can be accomplished without marriage, but God’s end goal to picture Christ and the church can be accomplished only one way: by a man taking a bride and becoming one flesh.

The church is made up of many believers who are one body (Romans 12:5), and God calls this body a bride. This bride becomes one flesh with Christ. For this cause, God instituted that a man take a woman to be his bride and they become one flesh. A union of two people of the same gender is not a picture of Christ and His bride at all, and is therefore not God’s definition of marriage. The picture is the purpose.

WHY THIS MATTERS

Everything God designed and created in Scripture paints a picture. Everything. It is a fascinating study to look at all of the minute details that almost would not make sense, except for the fact that it paints a picture of a larger truth.

For example, why would God tell Moses to strike a rock in order to provide life-giving water to the Israelites? It is because the Rock pictured Christ who was smitten for our transgressions, thereby giving life to those who believe (1 Corinthians 10:4).

God later told Moses to speak to a rock for sustenance. Why the change? Because Christ was smitten only once for our transgressions and will now provide sustenance if we simply call out (speak) to Him. But Moses, in his anger, struck that second rock as well. Moses destroyed the picture that God was painting of His Son and it cost Moses his life.

My college professor once illustrated the importance of pictures. He asked a student if she had a picture of her husband. She handed him a picture, he took out a marker, and he made it look as though he were drawing all over the face of that picture. The look on her face said everything: had he continued the charade for long, she would have shown her fury. But why this anger? It is just a picture. Ah, but that picture is the image of the one she loves most.

God also takes these pictures seriously. It is the image of His only begotten Son. That is exactly what marriage is: a picture of Jesus and His Bride. Two men can never picture that. It destroys the picture. And Moses bears witness that God does not take that lightly.

RESPONDING TO GAY MARRIAGE

For the Conservative

Let’s face it: many conservative Christians have done a rotten job as ambassadors of Christ to the gay community. Rather than point to God’s beautiful picture with compassion, Christians often attack the person and sling mud. Not surprisingly, many unbelievers in the gay community view Christians as hateful people who lack compassion. Jesus Christ was the most righteous, holy man to walk the planet; no one stood against sin more strongly than the One who gave His life to overcome it, yet harlots and thieves found him to be loving and compassionate. When sinners today see us being hateful and compassionless in our stand against sin, it speaks volumes about how often we poorly emulate Christ.

It is with this in mind that I exhort conservatives to show compassion in your response. If you see the gay community as an enemy to vanquish, then you are not seeing them through the eyes of Christ. Sin and death are the enemies and they are already defeated. Those people you see bear the image of God (Genesis 1:27, 9:6; James 3:9), but have darkened hearts and blinded eyes, as once did you. Showing love and compassion is not the same as accepting sin. I again point to Jesus who stood strongest against sin but was known as a man having compassion on the multitudes.

For the Progressive

Progressive Christians often believe that accepting gay marriage is the most loving thing to do. But if God’s picture is clearly portrayed, on what grounds can a believer reject that picture and still claim to be a Bible believer? Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride; all sexual activity outside of marriage is called fornication. Fornication is condemned no matter what your gender or gender preference may be (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Passively accepting sin is not doing the sinner any favors, and God warns that their blood may end up on your hands (Ezekiel 3:18).

People love to quote 1 Corinthians 13 as a “love chapter” which extolls the great virtues of true, godly love, yet they seem to overlook verse 6 which says that it “Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.” True love speaks truth, as God is Love and God is Truth. You cannot have one without the other. We must stand firmly upon the sure foundation of God’s Word (2 Timothy 2:19) and speak the truth of God with boldness, for that is the mark of one who has been with Jesus (Acts 4:13).

MY CONCLUSION

If marriage is about love, then what reason have I to deny marriage between two men who love one another? If marriage is about companionship, what reason have I to deny marriage between two men who make great companions? Although a good marriage should possess these qualities, marriage was not instituted for those reasons. God instituted marriage as a picture of Christ and His bride, and it is upon these grounds that a consistent, biblical Christian must conclude that a marriage cannot consist of two men or two women.

Do not be tossed to and fro with the changing tides of our culture. Scripture calls that being childish and deceptive, to which the only proper response is speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14-24). Current national events may seem discouraging for the Bible believer; truth is fallen in the street and the world is getting worse despite our efforts. But I have some good news: we were never called to prevent sinners from sinning. Rather, we were called to shine a light. It is in the darkest places that the light of truth shines brightest. Lift Christ up and shine your light for the world to see. Recognize the one purpose of marriage. Live out a beautiful picture. Share it with the world. Proclaim it boldly. Do it with compassion.

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[This post was originally published at JoshuaAgan.com, reblogged here with permission.]

Joshua Agan

Joshua Agan

Relational Identity Coach at inCourage Counseling Center
Joshua is a former website developer and currently travels to speak and teach across the country. He is the author of the forthcoming book "Reclaim the Rainbow: How to Reach and Restore the LGBT Community." He specializes in helping those who are in conflict with their sexual identity, and teaches churches how they can effectively reach the gay community.
Joshua Agan

@tjoshuaagan

Writer, speaker, and missionary to the gay community.
When I face great affliction, I just take delight in God's Word [Psalm 119:92] - 5 months ago
Joshua Agan
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